Saturday, April 25, 2009
i hate myself for being useless.
i hate myself for being the younger than other.
i hate that i'm a girl who can't really be one.
i hate myself for being bullied by others.
i hate myself that people are able to step on me so easily.
i hate myself for not speaking up.
i just hate ME.
i feel, sound, AM depressed.
i don't know why.
i may look strong but i'm not.
i'm just acting like one.
i'm good at helping others but not myself.
if this is life, i don't know what to do already.
i feel like crying. i want to cry.
i want wail and screaming loudly to just let it out.
i don't know what to do already.
i really have noone to talk to.
everytime i come back home from either work or school, everyone is either sleeping, out and about.
ibu is always talking about umar and aishah and bibik.
ayah never talks to me about stuff.
ancik prioritise his friends more.
abang MIA.
i feel empty nowadays.
who can i talk to?
i always envy those families that are so tight. tighter than mine.
u can call mine ______.
i just need someone i can talk everything to.
someone who will never get bored.
who?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i went to work alone.
yes. alone. was supposed to go with jeyd.
but long story.
i was questioned by Meera and Jeeva about Jeyd.
but i just kept quiet. i didn't know what to do.
i worked alone at b2. noone to talk to at all.
there was noone i know there.
at that very moment, what i really want was to see syar's smiling face and hear jeyd's laughter.
only that can cheer me up.
at least i know i'm not alone.
but there was none.
but i know i was alone to work there.
at the moment, i really wanted to quit.
leave this job as well.
but i'm not a quitter.
all i knew was that to tahan all this crap, earn the money.
to add it in, Jeeva was giving me that face again.
seriously... its not my fault that customers come to me with items that doesn't have barcode.
its not my fault that they want to cancel item last minute.
i just have to get use to Jeeva.
i was getting on his nerves, he was getting onto mine.
what to do...
he kept giving me that sentence.
"jangan susah kan aku boleh tak?"
"terima kaseh eh!?"
all so sacarstic.
i was so scared of getting scolded by Jeeva. i told the security that in malay.
(didn't know that the customer understood malay though)
she was siding me all the way when Jeeva came by.
she said, don't scold her, its not her fault.
she told me not to worry.
i was glad these people do exist.
:):)
you know what...
i think i need to get back to my kpop world now.
bye.
i hate myself for being the younger than other.
i hate that i'm a girl who can't really be one.
i hate myself for being bullied by others.
i hate myself that people are able to step on me so easily.
i hate myself for not speaking up.
i just hate ME.
i feel, sound, AM depressed.
i don't know why.
i may look strong but i'm not.
i'm just acting like one.
i'm good at helping others but not myself.
if this is life, i don't know what to do already.
i feel like crying. i want to cry.
i want wail and screaming loudly to just let it out.
i don't know what to do already.
i really have noone to talk to.
everytime i come back home from either work or school, everyone is either sleeping, out and about.
ibu is always talking about umar and aishah and bibik.
ayah never talks to me about stuff.
ancik prioritise his friends more.
abang MIA.
i feel empty nowadays.
who can i talk to?
i always envy those families that are so tight. tighter than mine.
u can call mine ______.
i just need someone i can talk everything to.
someone who will never get bored.
who?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i went to work alone.
yes. alone. was supposed to go with jeyd.
but long story.
i was questioned by Meera and Jeeva about Jeyd.
but i just kept quiet. i didn't know what to do.
i worked alone at b2. noone to talk to at all.
there was noone i know there.
at that very moment, what i really want was to see syar's smiling face and hear jeyd's laughter.
only that can cheer me up.
at least i know i'm not alone.
but there was none.
but i know i was alone to work there.
at the moment, i really wanted to quit.
leave this job as well.
but i'm not a quitter.
all i knew was that to tahan all this crap, earn the money.
to add it in, Jeeva was giving me that face again.
seriously... its not my fault that customers come to me with items that doesn't have barcode.
its not my fault that they want to cancel item last minute.
i just have to get use to Jeeva.
i was getting on his nerves, he was getting onto mine.
what to do...
he kept giving me that sentence.
"jangan susah kan aku boleh tak?"
"terima kaseh eh!?"
all so sacarstic.
i was so scared of getting scolded by Jeeva. i told the security that in malay.
(didn't know that the customer understood malay though)
she was siding me all the way when Jeeva came by.
she said, don't scold her, its not her fault.
she told me not to worry.
i was glad these people do exist.
:):)
you know what...
i think i need to get back to my kpop world now.
bye.
Labels: right click...
what we could have been, 12:53 AM.
